“I think that if I ever have kids, and they are upset, I won’t tell them that people are starving in China or anything like that because it wouldn’t change the fact that they were upset. And even if somebody else has it much worse, that doesn’t really change the fact that you have what you have.”—Stephen Chbosky, The Perks of Being a Wallflower (via selfinspiration)
Is it odd that the day you arrived, the weather got significantly warmer, and now that you’ve left, it’s become bitterly cold and gloomy? I miss you, I really do. I learnt so much from you, so much about you this trip - yet there’s still so much I don’t know. And that makes me sad. Sad that my time with you has to be compressed into a mere ten days of a year, that even when I try to make the most out of it, it isn’t enough. The house always feels more like a home when you’re around. And for the first time it began to dawn on me - that I still needed you, needed my father, to guide me, keep me from drifting.
Country roads, take me home to the place I belong.
“He hadn’t once ceased looking at Daisy and I think he revalued everything in his house according to the measure of response it drew from her well-loved eyes. Sometimes, too, he stared around at his possessions in a dazed way as though in her actual and astounding presence none of it was any longer real.”—The Great Gatsby, F. Scott Fitzgerald (via philphys)
Stream of consciousness writing. I will do this as much as possible starting from tonight to get all my raw, unedited thoughts out there so I can sift through them later for whatever purpose. I have kept my language as basic as can be.
I have a lifelong dream of sitting in a cafe in Paris and sipping on coffee. That is all I want to do there. Last night I read a short book titled God Bless You Dr Kevorkian, by Kurt Vonnegut. I think I am in love with Kurt Vonnegut. I have married his words. In one of the passages a man was talking about hot air balloons and it was nice. He was good with them, or something, and at the end he said, “I became the sky”. I don’t think I’ve ever been affected so strongly by a sentence before. One day I will have that very phrase etched into my skin. As the youngest of three daughters I am a frequent recipient of hand-me-downs. I used to not like it. I had to wear my sister’s baggy uniform to school while everyone else got new ones. But today my mother gave me a small round table. I put Slaughterhouse Five on it, and the ears of a chocolate bunny. I have consumed the rest of the bunny. The round table wouldn’t fit in my sister’s room anymore because she got a new bed. I need a new pillow. Sometimes I love my hair, sometimes I don’t. When I sleep with someone who snores I smack them in the face to shut them up, then I turn over and pretend I’m fast asleep. They never find out about this. People who snore don’t know anything. They just live in their snores. I don’t go to church, but I think churches are beautiful. When I die and my body decomposes I want someone to collect my ribcage, place it on some fertile soil and grow roses within it. Roses in all the warm colors. What colors do roses come in, anyway? I wonder which came first: the scissors or the knife. I recently heard from someone that there are no bears in Australia. I don’t remember if I have ever seen a bear in my life, but the next time I do, I will wave at it. And it will wave back at me, because it likes me. I have that effect on animals. I wish I could say the same for humans, but most of them are not worth half a wave. Some of them are worth a million. These people I have collected in a jar labelled “My Friends”. I live in a separate jar with my mother and father, sister and sister.